So here is a thing. I am a flesh-and-blood, full-fledged Polish man and I take pride in the heritage of my country. Maybe not such excessively large amounts as some of my compatriots, merely because I don’t enjoy going out on the streets to demolish public properties in the name of letting everybody know just how much I love my homeland.
Pride is pride and I’m Polish. Not a Dutch. Even though I’ve been mistaken for one way too many times now for me to still be comfortable about it. I’ve got to admit that I can see why so many people tend to assume that I am not of the Polish descendants. I am not your typical Polish guy and my personality doesn’t really adhere to the profile of an archetypical “Kowalski”. For instance, I will probably never fall head over heels with wódka. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am Polish and I don’t like vodka, such a specimen actually exists! Frankly speaking, I prefer beer over vodka big time and I think that a pinch of a German blood running through my veins might be responsible for that. Even so, I prepared this guide to Polish vodkas anyways, because there is nothing funnier than one playing along with the amusing stereotype regarding their nation… right?
Żołądkowa Gorzka
The name of this vodka loosely translates to a “gastric bitter”, perfectly discloses what it is up to. Once you pour it into a “pięćdziesiątka”, the Polish word for a 50ml glass (it is worth noting that Polish people will lose all respect towards you if you ask for a smaller glass; also, try to pronounce “pięćdziesiątka” correctly after downing 3 of them in a row), it instantly besieges your nostrils with the pungent smell, odor as sharp as stalks of a stubble left after collecting all the crops necessary for the production of its source.
You are barely given enough time to get used to this onslaught of stimulus before glasses are raised; it is high time to let this bitter fluid descend into your digestive system. Again, all according to the subtle suggestion expressed in this vodka’s name. Żołądkowa Gorzka might not be the most delectable booze out there but it is certainly value for money – if your idea of a value is getting wasted economically and surely – you can get 500ml bottle for around 20 zlotys which is approximately 5 euros. From my experience, though, the hangovers after Żołądkowa tend to be cripplingly unbearable, so consider yourself warned.