Love in International Relationships
By Margarita Pujol | Culture | February 14, 2026
Cover Illustration: 2021. Juan Goyache / Unsplash
International long-distance relationships feel like a limbo between the arrivals’ and departures’ terminals. Logistics, time differences, jet lag, cultural habits, and language gaps can impede but also cultivate deep intimacy and create through intentional communication, mutual learning, and shared plans. In the end, what carries couples across borders isn’t the absence of obstacles, but the presence of a strong, chosen connection.
You have probably heard of the Asian legend of the red thread of fate or the invisible string tied around the fingers of those who are destined to meet one another and fall in love. Sometimes this thread is very long, long enough to be entangled and to create knots across many turning points or across the world. Amidst globalization and new technologies, it gets easier to form and maintain meaningful contact with people from all across the globe, and couples coming from different nationalities have become more common. This is a social phenomenon that affects everyone, from fellow students struggling to maintain long-distance relationships to those affected by migration and political trends. In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I will look upon some of the main aspects of international relationships today through interviews with individuals that have a partner of a different nationality.
Long-distance: home is where the heart is
For many individuals in international couples, keeping a long-distance relationship for a certain amount of time is, although very hard, inevitable. Perhaps because of studies, jobs, or finances, or simply because both loved ones are still figuring out a plan to live closer to each other or together. Despite the many reasons for which a couple decides to embark on this journey, the main question is how to cope with the travelling, video calls, and missing each other.
Magda, a Polish scientist, gives valuable insight on her feelings during their long-distance period with her partner Maria, a Catalan student: “It was like an emotional rollercoaster, in the sense that the first moment seeing each other after a long time was a total high (…), and then after a few days it started feeling normal. (…) Then, after we separated, I would be upset for a day or two, and after more time had passed, I would start feeling fine.” They describe their experience as a cycle. However, Maria highlighted that “FaceTimes would be something that forced us to have deep conversations on a regular Tuesday, because otherwise, what would we talk about for 2 hours every day? (…) Especially at the beginning, we would get to know each other more deeply.” This reflection defies common assumptions of online communication being too superficial or lacking the intimacy that physical connection provides in a relationship. Instead, it focuses on how to make the most out of a sub-ideal situation.
A long-distance relationship has different obligations than an ordinary arrangement, one of these being the necessity of calling often. Nevertheless, Clara, a Mallorcan student with a Scottish partner, takes into account the importance of understanding each other’s needs within this arrangement: “We try to see each other once a month and try to communicate everything (…) But we are also not hard on each other; it is okay if we don’t call every day.” Then, it is worth noting that this kind of relationship doesn’t need to follow a strict, tight schedule; it can be as flexible as the couple would want.
However, there is one goal which most people affirm is the most helpful in coping with their circumstances. Magda emphasizes: “An important fact of our long-distance relationship was the fact that we kind of had decided that we were going to start living together. Overall, although we had our doubts along the way, having that plan made it easier.” What this plan means, in a general sense, is to be able to see a future together and not only keep it in your wishlist but also make it possible by actively trying to achieve it. In essence, it is a shared belief in your love and your will to build a life with each other that keeps a relationship strong.
Catching planes, feelings and shocks: cultural differences
Cultural shocks do not only work when you visit or start living in a new country but also in your personal connections with friends and romantic partners. Coming from a different cultural background impacts your relationship more than it would seem like at first, but a strong relationship can always find a way to adapt to each other’s customs and embrace the differences.
Although stereotypes can be dangerous, it is true that our distinct upbringing in association with a country, region or culture can determine the way we understand social activities and relationships. For instance, Jonas, a Dutch student, reflects on his relationship with me, a Spanish student, regarding the different environments we have grown up in: “Spanish people are more spontaneous; for instance, she can decide to meet with a group of friends an hour before it happens. Instead, Dutch people are more used to thoroughly planning everything. She can rapidly change her mind and think of spontaneous plans or variations, whereas I am used to sticking to a plan organized beforehand.” In this sense, the social structures we are used to can be the source of conflict if we go into a disagreement, but these can also be a place to discover new arrangements and parts of yourself.
Often, this can also be a funny subject for people in international relationships. They tell me about some of their particular differences and laugh. “Shoes inside, oh my god!” Magda says about Maria’s culture. In Magda’s country, people have shoes for inside the house, keeping their outside shoes apart. “To me it was crazy”, Maria reacts. Also, anecdotes of international relationships remind us of how entertaining it can be for couples to teach each other their favourite traditions or cultural activities. Clara tells me, “I am trying to teach him ‘ball de bot’, Mallorcan dancing. It is funny getting to know each other’s cultures.”
Loving is learning: different languages
Similarly, one of the main challenges of being in an international relationship is learning a new language. As the Western most spoken language, English is the lingua franca of students in Europe. However, even if both partners are fluent in a common language, they often need to learn to speak each other’s native language in order to understand their mind more deeply and become familiarised with that part of their world. In light of this, Jonas comments: “I think it is crucial to learn each other’s languages. Having a language we already speak, like English, is easy, but sometimes it makes it hard for us to convey things that would be better understood in our native languages. If we both understood and spoke each other’s language, communication would be even better.” Eventually, even if the souls of an international couple do not need translating, there are aspects of how your partner thinks that could not be understood without certain knowledge of their native language.
In the experience of the students I have talked to, learning a language in university can be hard because it needs a lot of dedication. Notwithstanding, apart from having a busy study or work schedule, one of the main issues with this learning process in international relationships is the country that they choose to live in. For instance, for Magda and me, it seems easier to learn our partner’s language because we live in their countries, trying to use the native language with people around us. In contrast, for our partners, it can be harder to try to find a place and time to practice beyond our daily conversations.
Conclusion: A strong connection wins every battle.
Whenever I tell other people my love story with a person from another country, I expect this comment among the many possibilities: “I could not do it. I would only like to live in the same place / speak the same language as my partner”. Then, I usually respond that I completely understand it because it is a matter of preference. But, at the same time, what I would say is, don’t be afraid of the cultural and geographical distance when meeting someone that sparks your enthusiasm. If there is love, there is a way.
Margarita Pujol is a university student in Amsterdam. The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Amsterdammer.
